Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

Here is a selection of reasons as stated by some of the more well-known dignitaries of the time:

Plato:

For the greater good.

Karl Marx:

It was a historical inevitability.

Thomas de Torquemada:

Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.

Timothy Leary:

Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.

Douglas Adams:

Forty-two.

Nietzsche:

Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road also gazes across you.

Oliver North:

National Security was at stake. [Ed. Yeah - likely story Oli-babe]

Carl Jung:

The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefor synchronicitously brought such occurences into being.

Jean-Paul Sartre:

In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.

Ludwig Wittgenstein:

The possibility of crossing was encoded into the objects chicken and road, and circumstances came into being which caused the actualisation of this potential occurence.

Albert Einstein:

Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends on your frame of reference.

Aristotle:

To actualise its potential.

Buddha:

If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.

Salvador Dali:

Fish.

Darwin:

It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.

Epicurus:

For fun.

Ralph Waldo Emerson:

It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.

Johann Friedrich von Goethe:

The eternal hen-principle made it do it.

Ernest Hemmingway:

To die. In the rain.

Werner Heisenberg:

We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.

Saddam Hussein:

This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we are quite justified in dropping 50 tonnes of nerve gas on it.

Pyrrho the Sceptic:

What road?

John Sununu:

The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation, so quite understandably the chicken availed itself of the opportunity.

The Sphinx:

You tell me.

Mark Twain:

The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.

Stephen Jay Gould:

It is possible that there is a sociobiological explanation for it, but we have been deluged in recent years with sociobiological stories despite the fact that we have little direct evidence about the genetics of behaviour, and we do not know how to obtain it for the specific behaviours that figure most prominently in sociobiological speculation.

Joseph Stalin:

I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omlette.

Captain James T Kirk:

To boldy go where no chicken has gone before.

Machiavellie:

So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained.

Noam Chomsky:

The chicken didn't exactly cross the road. As of 1994, something like 99.8 % of all US chickens reaching maturity that year, had spent 82 % of their lives in confinement. The living conditions in most chicken coops break every international law ever written, and some, particularly the ones for chickens bound for slaughter, border on inhumane.

My point is, they had no chance to cross the road (unless you count the ride to the supermarket). Even if one or two have crossed roads for whatever reason, most never get a chance. Of course, this is not what we are told. Instead, we see chickens happily dancing around on Sesame Street and Foster Farms commercials where chickens are not only crossing roads, but driving trucks (incidentally, Foster Farms is owned by the same people who own the Foster Freeze chain, a subsidiary of the diary industry). Anyway, ... [Ed. Chomsky continues for 32 pages. For the full text of his answer, contact his publisher].

Andersen Consultant:

Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes.

Using the Poultry Integration Model (aka PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes and technology in support of it's overall strategy within a program management framework.

Andersen convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itenary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wise value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes.

The meeting was held in a park-like setting enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear amd unifed market message and aligned with the chicken's mission, vision and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution.

Andersen helped the chicken change to become more successful.

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